Should unvaccinated friend come to Christmas with vulnerable mother?

Woman reveals her ‘paranoid and narcissistic’ mother has BANNED her and her children from Christmas because an unjabbed friend is visiting them the night before – but some claim she can’t be blamed for being cautious

  • BloodyC19Xmas asked the Mumsnet community what they think of her dilemma
  • She is concerned for her elderly mother’s vulnerability with her unvaxxed friend
  • Users have suggested that the mother may secretly just want a family-only affair

A woman has revealed her festive dilemma after her mother rescinded her invitation to Christmas lunch because she’s spending time with an unvaccinated friend the night before. 

Taking to the British parenting forum Mumsnet, the user BloodyC19Xmas, asked if she was unreasonable to be ‘fuming’ over the change in plan. 

The mother-of-two explained that her friend who is going through a difficult divorce was dreading waking up on Christmas morning without her children, and so has been invited to spend Christmas Eve at her house. 

But on finding out about this plan, the woman’s mother who is ‘technically’ clinically vulnerable but triple jabbed – doesn’t want the family to come over for Christmas lunch. 

Her daughter said that she’s around unvaccinated people all the time because of her job in the public sector, and so is her husband, and therefore doesn’t see the logic, and is now left torn between her children seeing their family on Christmas Day and disappointing her friend.  

Commenters were left torn, with some siding with the woman’s mother and saying she can’t be blamed for wanting to protect herself, while others agreed with the daughter and said that the argument doesn’t make sense and that her mum is being ‘controlling’.  

Is this woman being unreasonable to not let her unvaccinated friend over at Christmas, where her elderly and vulnerable mother will be present? Mumsnet user BloodyC19Xmas is meant to spend Christmas day at her mother’s house, who is clinically vulnerable, but has invited her unvaccinated friend to the event… and the mother is not happy

A mother from the UK has taken to the ‘Am I being unreasonable?’ thread of Mumsnet’s communities to see what people think of her tricky festive setup

In the post, she says: ‘My friend was going to visit Xmas Eve as it’s their first year after a nasty divorce and we’re dreading xmas waking up without their kids, missing the fun of santa etc and so I invited to spend Xmas with my dh and kids.

‘My mum discovered my friend is unvaxxed and absolutely fair enough she said they couldn’t go to her house so we changed plans so friend could come to us overnight on Xmas eve and we could go to my mums house Christmas lunchtime after friend went home to pick up their kids.

‘Now with omnicron accelerating, mum has lost it, she’s completely paranoid and convinced she’s going to die if she gets it. In spite of her having three vaccines already…

‘And she’s said if my friend comes to visit that we can’t go to visit them on Xmas day cos she doesn’t want to risk it.

‘My kids are young and they will be gutted to miss Xmas with their grandparents. This is the main issue for me here.

‘I’m fuming because hubby and I are around unvaxxed people all the time as we both work in public sector key worker jobs, but that’s not bothered her before.

‘My friend said they’d have a covid test before they came to visit and we said we’d have one before we went to mum’s so I really can’t see the huge issue. Besides a narcissist trying to control the narrative. Am I being unreasonable?’

 

Many agreed with the Mumsnet user saying that it wouldn’t be fair to disappoint the friend who is going through a difficult divorced, and advised her to call her mother’s bluff and not go  

AnneLovesGilbert said: ‘She can’t ban you from having people in your home and given your jobs and kids, she’s being daft to focus on this one thing to try and control.

‘You can’t ditch your friend so just tell your mum you understand so you’ll be at home.’

MrsDSalvatore agreed: ‘I’d tell her it’s fine, you will stay home with your friend, see how quickly she changes her tune.’

OnTheBoardwalk took a “whatever happens, happens” approach: ‘Will your mum be on her own Christmas Day if you don’t go round? What do your children think?

‘I’ve made my own risk assessment, feck what Bojo says, and I’m prioritising family over friends at the moment but will be catching up with them in the new year.’ 

Others sided with the woman’s mother and said that nobody can be blamed for wanting to stay safe and avoid the virus 

GreenClock reckons there is an ulterior motive from the original poster’s mother: ‘Maybe she wants a just-close-family Christmas and this is a ruse.’ 

Soapboxqueen argued that the woman ought to respect when people are uncomfortable in relation to Covid and people being unvaccinated.

She commented: ‘If your mum is uncomfortable, your mum is uncomfortable, she’s not being unreasonable. You’ve said yourself she is clinically vulnerable.

‘I have various family members, some vulnerable some not, some hyper-vigilant, some not so fussed. I respect each one’s comfort level.

‘Yes you may be in contact with the public everyday, but maybe she can cope with that due to it being your job and not this extra situation.

‘If you don’t want to rescind your friend’s invite, just say to your mum that you’ll give it a few days, test, and then visit.

‘Yes your dc might be upset but that’s the situation we are in right now.

‘Whether she is being controlling or is genuinely scared is irrelevant to your course of action.’

Other users agreed, including IgneousRock who said that her children would notice their grandmother’s presence being missing on such a special day.

She said: ‘Personally I’d be putting my kids first here – Christmas is really for children.

‘If they’d be gutted to miss Christmas with their grandparents I would reluctantly cancel friend.’

On the other hand, people have suggested the mother may be attempting to control the situation to suit her own preferences rather than understanding her daughter situation in wanting to accommodate for her friend.

XenoB***h said: ‘Your mum is BU [being unreasonable].

‘Will your friend be ok with doing an LFT [lateral flow test]? She can’t spread Covid if she does not have it.

‘I honestly can’t get the hysteria that triple jabbed people have about unvaccinated people.

‘Do they not trust their vaccines? And if not, why the insistence that other people get them? I hope you manage to arrange something OP [original poster]. Sounds difficult.’

SickAndTiredAgain said: ‘Your kids are young? So unvaccinated and spending days at school surrounded by other unvaccinated children? When does their school break up for Christmas?

‘Surely there’s far more chance of her catching it from them than from you after you meet with someone the day before (would you be contagious that quickly anyway?)’ 

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