DEAR DEIDRE: AFTER years of becoming increasingly unhappy in my marriage, I needed to find a new perspective on whether to leave or to stay, so I wrote to you.
I admitted I was no longer in love with my wife. But we had children together, and she also had mental health problems.
I’m 47 and she’s 45. Our kids are 12 and ten.
Even though she’d been unfaithful to me, I was scared to leave her because I thought she might try harming herself.
You said I couldn’t stay married to my wife out of pity or fear because I was her husband, not her carer.
You pointed out that I could still be my wife’s friend and a support, even if we weren’t together, but that I deserved to be happy too.
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You recommended I take professional advice before making any decision.
Among the organisations you suggested I contact was Saneline (sane.org.uk, 07984 967 708).
After I received your message I had a long talk with my wife.
We agreed to separate for a while to give each other some space and see if it would help save our marriage.
I’ve since taken a new job and am focusing on my career, which I’d neglected.
I don’t know what’s going to happen in the long run, but I do feel I finally have more control over my life and a chance to be happy.
Thank you for giving me the confidence to speak up.
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DEIDRE SAYS: So often, people know what they need to do and just need reassurance.
I’m glad I was able to help you make a decision.
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