‘One big thing is figuring out when is the appropriate time to reveal your single mother status,’ says Sherelle Folkes, 44.
The single mum from Kingston, Surrey, works in communications and is mother to Sienna, her seven year old daughter.
Dating as a single parent has been a mixed bag for Sherelle – from feeling more pressure to make dates work, to managing the reactions of others.
And at first, dating wasn’t a priority for Sherelle.
‘Very few people plan to be a single parent,’ she says.
‘For me, managing my new single parent reality, alongside juggling a demanding but rewarding career, was not only challenging, but at times overwhelming.
‘I felt a failure for not providing my daughter with the stability of a two-parent family so I focused wholly on her needs.
‘There wasn’t space to add dating into the mix so I just didn’t try.
‘It took a while to start to separate Sherelle the single mum, with Sherelle the fun, spontaneous, carefree woman I was pre-motherhood, who would say yes to most social invites, adrenaline activities or last minute travel plans.’
Overall, she hasn’t found that potential love interests are put off in the way she worried they might – but she thinks it’s best to date people who can relate to her situation.
‘I think it’s important to surround yourself with people who understand your reality,’ she says.
‘If someone doesn’t have kids, I’ve found the differing realities makes dating especially difficult.
‘You just aren’t as freely available as they are, and the lack of spontaneity can be an issue.
‘It takes advance planning to make a date work,’ she adds. ‘So you need to make sure you are arranging a date with someone reliable.
‘I’ve had friends pay for a babysitter only to be let down last minute.’
A survey from 2021 by Frolo found that 86% of single parents have been made to feel ‘less than’ as a single parent on a dating app.
Recently in Married At First Sight Australia, Alyssa opened up about the challenges she faces when navigating the dating scene as a single parent.
She told Duncan, her husband on the show, that she would only be free to see him every other weekend and every Wednesday, because she has a child.
The comment received backlash from viewers, with one person saying, ‘I see my neighbours more. [Duncan] seriously needs to wake up and leave.’
Juggling childcare and dating it isn’t always easy, and Kate Mansfield, dating and relationship coach working with dating app Badoo, says: ‘The most common challenge I come across is that single parents are often time-poor.
‘As such, they don’t want to waste any time when it comes to dating, which can understandably put pressure on creating a potential connection.
‘Not to mention, there is sometimes the added pressure of juggling childcare with an ex partner – you can’t just think about when you might be free.
‘Finally, single parents can sometimes still be recovering from heartbreak from their previous relationship, which can often stay with them as they embark on a new dating journey.’
The same survey found 90% worry potential partners won’t appreciate the different priorities and challenges that come with dating when you’re parenting alone.
Kate often sees this in clients, who find the experience ‘extremely overwhelming’.
‘It can sometimes seem impossible to find the time and emotional bandwidth, which is totally understandable,’ she says.
‘However, it is essential to prioritise yourself and your needs if you’re looking for a meaningful connection.
‘Being a single parent is not unusual – many people looking for love have children.
‘I would encourage parents to be open and upfront about their situation from the offset.
‘It might not be what everyone is looking for, but the truth is, you deserve to make a connection with someone who loves you for you – and that includes your role as a parent.’
Being a single parent shouldn’t carry any stigma, and Kate’s advice here is simple: if anyone has an issue with it, then move on – that person isn’t right for you.
She also recommends: ‘Dating away from your children and family is really important.
‘Make time for yourself and ask for help with childcare from friends and family when you need it. Doing childcare swaps with other single parents is another great tool to use.’
Distinguishing between you as a person and you as a parent is key.
Sherelle adds: ‘When dating a single parent the most important thing to respect is their time and appreciate it for the precious commodity that it is.
‘Dating a single parent doesn’t mean said parent and child are a package deal.
‘Remove pressure, rather than heaping it on, by being flexible and understanding.
‘As a single mother I’ve become the best version of myself. I’m endlessly patient, thoughtful and when I do get some free time I’m so grateful to be in adult company.
‘I think I’m a pretty good date.’
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