There’s nothing worse than silent sex. In fact, communication is super hot.
Even science says there’s real power in talking dirty – it’s not just all in your head.
That’s why telling someone all the naughty things you want to do later on can get you incredibly aroused.
And it doesn’t have to be in person either – it might be a naughty sext at work, or the late night phone call that inevitably ends up with you falling into bed and dirty talking your way to an intense orgasm.
Sex expert Ness Cooper delves into why dirty talk works a certain kind of magic in the bedroom – as well as what the different types can do for arousal.
Dirty talk stimulates the hypothalamus
It turns out dirty talk stimulates the brain in multiple areas – particularly the
ones responsible for how we feel and respond to pleasure, explains Ness.
She says: ‘Dirty talk can make the body release feel-good hormones, such as dopamine and oxytocin, which can not only turn us on but help us bond further with our sexual partners.
‘Testosterone is also released which can help with arousal and orgasm.’
Tone and volume matter
Tone and volume of dirty talk are also important, as to whether it’s a turn on or turn off.
‘For example, words and phrases that are whispered – or added
in with erotic sighs and moans – may have a higher chance of turning
someone on, rather than louder dirty talk that can be a turn off for
some,’ says Ness.
‘Understand that some words and phrases may be mega turn ons for some and turn offs for others.
‘Trial and error can help you and your partner workout what works for you both.’
You really can talk each other over the edge
Ness says: ‘Due to the release of various hormones, dirty talk can help reduce stress, make the experience feel more connected and safer, and even help activate areas of the brain needed for orgasm.’
But it’s important that you are both consenting to the type of dirty talk being used.
She adds: ‘Make sure it’s consensual, if a partner says they feel uncomfortable about certain forms of dirty talk, then stop.’
Praise can help push past stigma and shame
For some women certain phrases that make them feel submissive can really get them going.
A classic example is simply being referred to by their partner as a ‘good girl.’
Ness continues: ‘For women who identify as submissive or are submissively inclined in the bedroom, dirty talk that is commanding, directive, and dominant can help direct some individuals through sexual arousal – and even help the brain fantasise.
‘When doing something that conflicts with the taught notion of what’s
good and innocent, being told what we’re doing is good and innocent can
be reassuring and even exciting.
‘Sex is shrouded in social stigma and shame and, for some, adding in works of praise during sex can help push past this stigma and shame.
‘Men also enjoy the idea of being called a “good boy” and many submissive men find it enhances their experience during sex and leads to motivation to engage further sexually in the future.’
But it’s certainly not the case that everyone enjoys being submissive.
Ness adds: ‘I wouldn’t say all women enjoy dirty talk that makes them seem and feel submissive.
‘Rather than looking into the complexities of whether dirty talk is preferred by more submissive or dominant individuals, looking at it as a thing enjoyed by individuals who are able to show their sexual vulnerability may be more accurate for many.
‘Generally, those who can show their sexual vulnerability with a partner are more likely to experience a more satisfying sex life.’
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