Em Clarkson is here to solve all your problems.
Well, sort of.
As Metro’s new agony aunt the influencer, author and content creator (busy much?) is primed and ready to be a sympathetic ear, an oracle of wisdom or, quite simply, a stand-in for that girl in the nightclub bathroom you share your thoughts and dreams with while waiting in line.
While she stresses she’s no alternative for therapy, Em is keen to talk through any quandary.
This week, she’s helping Metro readers to navigate new partners, feeling resentful of parents, and *checks notes* how to ‘reverse voodoo doll’ your partner’s ex. Absolutely a thing.
Read on for this week’s musings…
Do I tell my new partner I am a 30-year-old virgin?
Before you do anything, please remember that ‘virginity’ is a societal construct and something, to my mind, that doesn’t really exist. It relates to one very specific type of sex (penetrative) that is totally exclusionary to those who have different types; from lesbian women (who, by this metric, could be having the best sex of their lives every night and still be considered ‘virgins’), to those who suffer with vaginismus or are recovering from trauma.
It is also used pretty relentlessly as a way to control women; and perpetuates a whole host of outdated implications that suggest women who do have sex are somehow ‘spoiled goods’.
It’s really not something to apologise for and it bears no reflection on you as a person.
So, what you should consider is how important you feel it is within the context of your relationship. If you would like to have penetrative sex with this person and you are nervous, then yes, tell them because communication is good for your relationship and sex life. But you don’t have to: your ‘virginity’ does not define you.
Want to ask Em Clarkson a question?
With more than 300,000 followers and a reputation as one of the more honest influencers out there, Em is often asked for advice in her DMs. Now, she wants to do the same in Metro, as our newest columnist.
No topic is off limits. So if you’ve a question for her agony aunt series, email [email protected].
I am resentful that my parents are giving no support as I raise my children. How do I deal with those feelings?
As a new mother, I understand how frustrating this must be.But in the end, it only really hurts us as we sit there with all that anger, disappointed that our expectations weren’t met. You have two options.
You can tell them that you need more from them and offer them more ways to be in their grandchildren’s lives. Or (and unfortunately this is something I think you’ll have to do regardless), you need to work out how to shake the resentment.
In this case, it’s hard for you having to raise your kids without them, but it’s a real sadness that thanks to their own choices they are missing out on a wonderful life with your family. They are the real losers. Feel pity, rather than anger.
How do I stop obsessing over my boyfriend’s ex?
I’m a big believer in letting people’s actions tell us all we need to know. And from where I’m sitting it’s simple: she is his ex, and you aren’t.
I’m assuming this obsession is manifesting itself on social media and for so many reasons, all of them to do with your mental health, you have got to put that to bed.
You’re comparing yourself to a version of a person that doesn’t exist and for absolutely no good reason. Your boyfriend has chosen to be with you, and for an entirely irrelevant reason, he is no longer with her.
What you need to do is reverse voodoo doll this woman. Mentally (and non-toxically) lovebomb her. For every negative thought that pops into your head about her, flip it on its head.
Contrary to every single rom-com that’s ever been released: this woman does not need to be your enemy. She’s out there living her life having presumably moved on, let’s give her the benefit of the doubt and wish a nice life on her and let her go.
Show yourself that you can trust him to honour the decisions that he made in not being with her and being with you.
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