The horror sex stories I’ve heard from friends who’ve slept with men ‘addicted’ to porn like Kanye – but they’re just watching the wrong kind, JANA HOCKING writes

  • Jana Hocking says men are impacted by watching ‘fake’ and ‘aggressive’ porn 
  • Kanye West admitted he had a porn addiction that destroyed his family
  • Jana shared some of the horror stories of sleeping with ‘porn addict’ men  
  • One man assumed all girls liked to be choked and didn’t ask for consent first
  • Another slapped her friend across the face because he ‘got carried away’

Fact: we’ve all watched porn. Anyone who says they haven’t is a big fat liar. 

In fact, I still remember the exact moment I glimpsed my first rudie nudie video. It was during a 16th birthday party at a friend’s house. One of the boys had found his dad’s hidden Pamela Anderson sex tape and we all snuck upstairs to the spare bedroom to watch it. 

We giggled nervously as he slid the tape into the VHS player and then watched in mock horror as Pamela and Tommy proceeded to get it on. I distinctly remember the moment Tommy used his old fella to beep his car horn. ‘Do they really grow that big?’ I pondered.

Fast forward a couple of years, and no longer are horny teenagers becoming super sleuths trying to hunt out their parent’s naughty tape collection, they are simply picking up their mobile phones and scrolling an endless library of nudity.

Jana Hocking says aggressive porn can lead to unrealistic expectations in the bedroom – and shared horror stories her friends have told her

When Kanye West publicly admitted this week that he had a porn addiction, I thought, who doesn’t?

And these are not just films featuring dodgy ‘mechanics’ here to fix the ‘pipes.’ Now teenagers can search for any darn kink they like. In fact, having scrolled these categories myself, it’s safe to say there are some forms of porn I never even knew existed!

So when Kanye West publicly admitted this week that he had a porn addiction, I thought, who doesn’t? Bored? Watch porn. Horny? Watch porn. Going through a dating dry spell? Watch porn. With it literally available at our fingertips 24/7 it’s almost replaced the need to partner up.

But when does porn start to get in the way of real life? 

Chatting to my friends over wine the other night, we all shared what category we type in when we’re in the mood. They all laughed at my preference for ‘sensual’ (seriously though, do yourself a favour and check out Leo and Lulu, you won’t be disappointed).

One girl admitted her boyfriend questioned her sexuality when she only wanted to watch girl on girl. But her reasoning seemed fairly understandable. She explained that most of the other porn on offer just comes across as too aggressive, and the girl-on-girl options were much more tender and respectful.

That’s when the conversation turned into something else entirely. 

You see, it turns out we all had horror stories of sleeping with guys who had clearly watched too much of the sexually aggressive stuff. 

There was the bloke who assumed all girls liked to be choked, so didn’t ask for consent first. Then there was the guy that slapped my friend across the face mid-act because he ‘got carried away.’ It would appear many men who have had their sex education from porn hub think that’s what women are in to. Wrong.

One friend who is a high school teacher even stated that they had to stage an intervention with parents, after a few girls revealed they had performed oral sex before they’d even had their first kiss. What the actual heck?!

‘You see, it turns out we all had horror stories of sleeping with guys who had clearly watched too much of the sexually aggressive stuff,’ Jana said

From fantasising about other people to watching porn – the three habits true for every relationship 

They’ll watch porn even if they’re having great sex with you

So long as it’s not being used as a replacement for real life sex or becoming an obsession, it’s generally seen as harmless. Lots of couples watch it together.

What happens if you fancy sex and your partner isn’t there? Three minutes of masturbating to porn solves that problem in an instant.

What if you’re craving the excitement of sex with someone you haven’t already slept with? Watching a stranger onscreen have sex with someone you’d quite like to, is the next best thing. Watching porn doesn’t mean you aren’t being sexually satisfied by your partner, don’t find them attractive or wish they looked and acted like the person you’re looking at onscreen.

It’s simply a sensible way to satisfy natural sexual urges that might otherwise make you vulnerable to cheating or having an affair.

They’ll still find other people attractive

Even if you think your partner is the most attractive/sexy/beautiful/handsome person you have ever met in the world, ever, it still won’t stop you noticing that other people are also pleasing to the eye.

Love and commitment stop us acting on this attraction – they don’t stop us experiencing it. Being with someone who openly checks out other people in front of you is totally unacceptable, of course.

But seeing your partner’s eyes do an involuntary flicker when someone hot comes into view isn’t something worth getting het up about.

They’ll fantasise about other people

Just about everyone has sexual fantasies: 90 per cent of women and 96 per cent of men have them daily.

They’re a portable, potent sex aid with lots of benefits –that also cause a great deal of distress.

Imagining something in your head is an entirely different matter than doing it in real life but lots of people consider them a betrayal.

Sometimes, people do have sex with other people or leave their partners for people they’ve been fantasising about. But most don’t.

Forcing your partner to admit they sometimes fantasise about other people accomplishes absolutely nothing but make them feel guilty and you paranoid. 

According to a 2019 study published in the Journal of Women’s Health, the rise in porn that includes sexual pleasure and aggression, has affected many women’s sexual enjoyment. It seems a rapidly increasing amount of women are now worried that they can’t perform signature sexual acts performed in graphic porn clips.

News flash girlfriend, none of us can easily contort our bodies into those shapes and we don’t want to because it doesn’t feel good!

Yet you can’t blame blokes for being confused because in the videos the women seem to be having a jolly good time. And would you look at that… turns out they can orgasm on cue. It’s an illusion that far too many young adults are treating as truth. No wonder there’s so much anxiety around sex these days.

So sure, an updated curriculum around sex education is desperately needed in High Schools thanks to the vast amount of pervasive porn easily available, but perhaps it’s time we adults brushed up on it as well. Kanye West stating that his porn addiction ended his marriage highlights exactly that.

Here’s a start, always ask for consent, be vocal about your boundaries and perhaps give porn hub a day off. I can’t believe I’m saying this… but perhaps Kanye has a point…

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