A domestic abuse survivor opened up about some of her darkest memories to encourage women who are currently suffering to get help.

Kaz B works as a professional dominatrix and in the past she has been subjected to narcissistic abuse.

Some of her relationships were profoundly traumatic but after reaching out for support she eventually found a path to recovery.

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Now, in an exclusive interview with the Daily Star, Kaz B is telling her story to show others that escaping a life of domestic abuse is possible.

The 42-year-old said: “When I was struggling, looking at other people who had been through it gave me strength.

“Hearing them say ‘you can do it, you can do it’ helped me. Without it I would still be stuck there now and I could have killed myself to be honest. Or I would have ended up in hospital for some reason or another.

“I want people to know that they can get through anything. They might not think they can, but they can. There is always a solution and a place they can go. That’s my biggest reason for sharing this story.”

And as for some of her own scariest moments, Kaz recalled both physical and verbal abuse.

She said: “He would brandish knives pretending it was a joke.

“I would be making a sandwich and he would be sniping at me all the time. If I ignored him because he was being horrible he would pick up the knives and put them near my throat and start putting on a fake gangster voice like, ‘you f***ing listen to me or I will sort you out’.

“He would also say nasty things all the time and call me a s**g, s**t, fat. Once he pushed me out of bed and another time he threw a glass table at me which smashed all over the floor.”

Before these abhorrent incidents, Kaz B was in another relationship where it was small signs of abuse that built up over time.

Her abuser became unemployed and he slowly wormed his way into all corners of her life, asserting his dominance

Over time he began breaking things and stealing her money and he moved her far away from her family, isolating her from potential support.

Then he sinisterly began infiltrating her work life.

Kaz B, who has been a dominatrix for 15 years, said: “He took control of my phone and he was texting clients and agreeing to stuff I wasn’t comfortable with.

“He was agreeing to things to get more money. They would turn up expecting something and I would say ‘no that’s not what we agreed’. So he was trying to talk me into more things sexually.

“My family would also call me and he would answer and say I was asleep and delete the call. He was trying to keep me separate from them.”

The sex worker eventually left the relationship – but the death of her father later left her vulnerable.

And it was during this grief where she entered into a relationship with a man who would threaten her with knives, as previously mentioned.

Similar to other abusers, he also wanted her money.

“If I didn’t give him any he would smash the house up and punch holes in the door,” she said. “One time I was in the bathroom and I said I wouldn't speak to him until he calmed down and he was threatening to kick the door in, which was quite scary.”

He soon became totally reliant on Kaz B who then harboured feelings of guilt at the prospect of leaving him on his own.

She described feeling stuck and she initially thought she could help her boyfriend who she knew was “seriously damaged”.

He would constantly gaslight and sleep deprive her and she eventually began to question herself more and more.

But eventually the OnlyFans model saw a way out when she sought help in an online support group about narcissistic abuse.

“I then realised what I was going through,” she said. “I told them about an incident and asked if there was something wrong with me and they said I was being massively gaslighted and the guy was poison.”

However, the practicality of leaving the relationship behind was complex.

Kaz B recalled: “The amount of times I’ve heard people say ‘oh I would have just left if it was me’… they can’t possibly put themselves in that situation to know all the factors involved beforehand and all the things that keep you there.

“The most dangerous time for a woman in an abusive relationship is when you leave, when they think they are losing you, that’s when they are more likely to react so that was at the back of my mind.”

Eventually she found solace in her mum and she safely got away.

Now she wants to share her experiences to offer advice to other women who may be in a similar situation.

She said: “if you get to the point where you were as isolated as me, rebuild your network. Reach out to friends and family, not necessarily telling them everything right away.

“Work on those relationships and make sure they are strong.

“There are also a load of charities out there. There are narcissistic support groups, masses of them on Facebook, good coaches on Instagram and then there’s Refuge and Women’s Aid.

“The best thing you can do is not let your abusive partner know you are thinking of leaving. Put on a smile and carry on like everything is ok and then secretly have an emergency bag that’s not going to get found and when they leave the house, get out and don’t let them know where you are.

“Everything has to be top secret so they don’t track you down because it’s a really dangerous time.

“That’s when charities like Women’s Aid can be really useful. Luckily I could go to my mum’s but not everyone has family.”

Kaz B is now in a much happier and healthier place, despite sometimes getting a flashback in the shower or being triggered by a particular memory.

She concluded: “Part of the recovery is to forgive yourself for staying in that situation because everyone says ‘oh why don’t you just leave’.

“It’s been a bit of a journey but I’m now doing well. I want others to know that recovery is possible.”

If you have been affected by issues of domestic violence or coercive control you can call Refuge 's 24-Hour National Domestic Abuse Helpline for free. The number is 0808 2000 247

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