WHEN’S the last time you had an orgasm? A really good, euphoric orgasm that left you smiling for hours?
If you’re having sex, yet not hitting the big O, it might be time to try some new tactics.
Niki Davis-Fainbloom, is a sex and relationship expert at Practical Psychology.
She’s had the opportunity to work with many women and couples on issues related to intimacy and sexual satisfaction, and says: “First and foremost, it is important to acknowledge that every woman is different, and what works for one may not work for another.”
However, Niki does add there are certain strategies that can increase the likelihood of a woman experiencing orgasm during sex.
Give these a try…
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Try the Speed Bump position
“I’d personally recommend the Speed Bump; a simple version of doggy-style,” says Pippa Murphy, Sex & Relationship expert at condoms.uk.
The woman lies on her stomach and places a pillow under her hips, which acts as the ‘speed bump’.
Their partner then enters from behind while kneeling and holding onto the woman’s hips for support,” explains Pippa.
She adds that placing a pillow underneath the receiving partner is vital as this speed bump makes it easier for their g-spot to be hit on the front wall of the vagina, therefore making it easier for them to reach a climax.
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Don’t skip foreplay
If your partner likes to jump the gun and skip straight to the main course, then you’ll likely be in for a sexual disaster.
It’s during foreplay that your arousal will heighten, increasing your chances of orgasm.
“Your brain is wired to experience more pleasure when the anticipation of a reward goes on for a long period, making foreplay even more key to an orgasm,” says Pippa.
“So, if you feel that your partner is rushing it, take control of the situation and ask them to slow down. You can even guide them.”
Foreplay includes kissing too by the way!
Get on top
If you spend the majority of sexual intercourse on your back, it’s time to flip things over.
Lying on top of your partner helps stimulate the g-spot, plus it allows you to move into a position that works. Essentially you’re in control!
Research has found that face-to-face female on top, is one of the best positions to orgasm.
Hit the clit
The best move when you’re on top?
“Many women commonly report being on top in the 'cowgirl' position is good for clitoral stimulation and pressure on the clitoris increases the potential for orgasm,” says Kate Moyle, sex therapist for Lelo and founder of The Sexual Wellness Sessions Podcast.
“The penetrating partner lies flat on their back, and then the other partner kneels astride them.”
Kate adds that the one on top uses their partner's chest as the support, by pushing off with their hands to control the rhythm and depth of penetration.
Talk it out
“It is essential for a woman to communicate her desires, needs and boundaries to her partner,” says Niki.
Approach the subject during a time when you and your partner are relaxed.
“Communication can involve discussing what types of touch and stimulation feel pleasurable, as well as any areas that are off limits,” says Niki.
“It can also be helpful for a woman to communicate when she is approaching orgasm, so that her partner can adjust their techniques accordingly.”
You might even want to show your partner what to do.
Not comfortable speaking to your partner? This could be a bigger issue and it might be time to address this before going any further.
Learn to relax
“Many women find it difficult to climax if they are feeling anxious, stressed or self-conscious,” says Niki.
“Creating a comfortable and relaxed environment, both physically and emotionally, can help a woman let go and fully enjoy the experience.”
You could try dimming the lights, lighting candles and playing relaxing music.
Niki also suggests taking breaks to check in with one another.
Vary the speed
Stuck doing the same thing, every time you have sex?
Mix things up by exploring and experimenting.
“This can involve trying out different positions, speeds, and pressures to see what feels most pleasurable.
“It can also involve incorporating toys or other forms of enhancement, such as lubricants or arousal gels,” says Niki.
Remember, it’s good to be open-minded and willing to try new things in order to find what works best for you.
Focus on you
Whether you’re single or in a relationship, Niki says it’s crucial for a woman to focus on her own pleasure and not get caught up in trying to please her partner.
“This can involve setting aside time for solo exploration, learning about your own body and what feels good to you, and communicating this information to your partner.”
Your partner will likely tell you his needs, so be sure to prioritise your own pleasure and increase the likelihood of achieving orgasm during sex.
Go for the nipples
Kate explains: “The nipples have also been shown to show activity in the same part of the brain as sensations from the vagina, clitoris and cervix, which could in part explain why many report being able to orgasm from nipple stimulation, and that it boosts pleasure.”
Not sure where to start?
“Nipples can be experimented with by kissing, licking, pulling or using your hands to play with them to explore what feels good.
“Playing with temperatures such as ice cubes can add something further.”
Avoid distractions
“Distraction is a real interruptor of our sex lives, pleasure and orgasms,” says Kate.
Perhaps you’re experiencing pain or discomfort, you’re worrying about how your body looks or you’re thinking about something that's going on outside of sex.
There may be trust issues with your partner or anxiety.
“When we are focused on what's going on in our heads rather than our bodies we can psychologically detach from our pleasure, and for some people this can be hard to reconnect,” says Kate.
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Mindfulness for sex lives can help.
Try Headspace’s Women’s Collection or download an app such as Ferly for audio-guided sexual exercises to help guide you in your practice.
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