DEAR DEIDRE: MY girlfriend was flirting outrageously with a friend of mine at my birthday party.

She kept slapping and squeezing her bum. I feel humiliated.

She says I’m overreacting but apart from the fact she did this continuously at the do, the last time she behaved like this she was having a fling with one of her colleagues.

I’m a 30-year-old lesbian and my partner’s 28.

We’ve been together for four years.

As soon as I saw her antics, I felt sick to my stomach. I am not mad at my friend.

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She told me she felt uncomfortable and said it was just as well her boyfriend wasn’t there.

I confronted my girlfriend after everybody left and we were clearing up.

She said I need to relax and stop taking everything so seriously.

Apparently it was just a bit of fun. But I keep thinking about the last time my girlfriend was cheating.

She had invited me to her work Christmas party but when I arrived she had clearly been drinking.

She was busy dancing so I grabbed myself a drink at the bar.

When I turned around I saw her cupping another woman’s bottom and talking very intimately.

I knew then something was very wrong.

As the night wore on I saw her slap the other woman’s behind several times.

On the way home, I demanded to know what was going on.

My partner denied any wrongdoing but eventually admitted that she had been having a little fling.

Now I feel like an idiot for forgiving her for that.

My girlfriend finished work yesterday and told me she wasn’t coming home.

I am confused and hurt as to why she would do this.


Lexi feels bad she is lying to new husband Kieron already

My husband’s affair haunts my life

DEIDRE SAYS: Don’t ignore this when your instinct is telling you to listen.

Even if she isn’t cheating, her behaviour is immature and inappropriate, and could be interpreted as a sexual assault.

You can ask her how she would feel if you were regularly slapping another woman’s bottom.

Your feelings are a sign that all isn’t well in your relationship, and you need to address it.

Trust is essential. Perhaps you felt you had rebuilt it after she cheated, but you only glossed over it.

You need to talk to her and explain what you want and need from her.

Ask her to be honest with you because you know the signs. If she denies cheating, explain you’re finding it hard to trust and need to work on this together.

My support packs, Cheating Can You Get Over It? and Dealing With Jealousy, should help.

You two could benefit from some counselling.

Tavistock Relationships offers online and in-person counselling.

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