DEAR DEIDRE: I HAD an affair with a married man at work. We had incredible sexual chemistry.
Our relationship lasted a year, but as soon as I said I wanted to leave my husband for him, he dumped me and is threatening to expose me to the whole company while flaunting another work affair right under my nose.
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We work for a building firm and I was initially attracted to his intelligence and wit. He made it clear he was physically drawn to me too.
Our affair was passionate and intense, but when I spoke about how I really felt, he panicked and broke up with me.
That was three months ago. I am 34, my husband is 36 and we have been married for five years.
My colleague is 38 and has turned nasty since the split. He says he will tell workmates I’m a tart.
I can’t understand where this vindictiveness comes from.
Even though I was heart-broken, I have kept my peace after the break up, so why is he so intent on taking me down?
I’ll be mortified if he tells everyone and I’m worried about how my firm will react.
He has already started an affair with another colleague in the same department as me, although, of course, his wife is oblivious to everything.
Meanwhile, I felt I had to tell my husband about it and he is so upset he’s moved out and is refusing to speak to me.
Last night he emailed demanding a divorce.
I’ve messed up spectacularly and realise I want my husband back. Is there anything I can do to fix this?
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DEIDRE SAYS: Sex with your colleague will have been exciting but the way he has behaved since is about him, not you.
It was a dead-end affair that was going nowhere.
He is handling it nastily, perhaps in a bid to force you out of the company, perhaps to deflect attention from his current escapade. He may be worried you will make trouble for him.
Many companies do frown on workplace romances but talk it through with your manager or HR. I suspect they will be supportive of you.
If there is no HR department to help, you can get advice from Acas, who offer assistance with workplace issues (acas.org.uk, 0300 123 1100).
Can you contact your husband or perhaps go through a mutual friend? His decision to divorce may have been a knee-jerk reaction.
You will have to work hard to convince him he can trust you again but you’ve nothing to lose by trying.
My e-leaflet Cheating – Can You Get Over It? explains how you can make your relationship stronger than ever.
Also, couple counselling can help you both work through your issues – see relate.org.uk and tavistockrelationships.org.
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