It’s time once again for our weekly Sex Column, our regular series where experts advise struggling daters on navigating the sticky world of romance.
Last week, we met a woman who found herself in a throuple with her boyfriend and the woman he was cheating on her with.
This week’s question comes from a woman whose steamy fling ended with a surprise pregnancy. The father has rejected her, so what should she do next?
It’s a tough one. Let’s see what advice Laura has….
‘I thought I had met the man of my dreams but now I’m pregnant and he doesn’t want to know.
‘I met him on-line and we chatted for a few weeks before agreeing to meet. Our first date was so comfortable, we talked for hours, and it felt like we’d known each other for ages.
‘We had sex the first night we met, and it was amazing for both of us. I’ll be honest, our relationship was more about sex than anything else and often we’d meet up, go straight to bed and our date would only end when one or the other of us went home.
‘Sexually, we had a special bond and even when we weren’t seeing one another, we were sexting every day, which was a turn on for both of us. I honestly thought I was in love.
‘This went on for about six months until I discovered I was pregnant. Then all hell broke loose. He accused me of getting pregnant deliberately to trap him, he implied I was after his money (his parents are wealthy) and said he wanted nothing more to do with me. I was stunned.
‘Now he has blocked me on every type of social media and when I went to his flat to try to talk to him, he just shut the door in my face.
‘I’m still only in the early stages of pregnancy but I know I need to decide quickly what to do.‘
What the experts say
I’m so sorry you find yourself in this situation but at least you now know that he is not the kind of man you can rely on, who will love you as you deserve.
That said, I have also heard this problem from the other side, and I know that when a guy is presented with an unplanned pregnancy it can be a distressing time for him too.
But you are both adults who know that sex can make babies, and if you decide to go ahead with this pregnancy, he will still be legally liable to help maintain his child, whether he wants to be involved or not.
A relationship based on sex can be amazing, but it is just that. You talk of ‘the man of your dreams’ and being ‘in love’, but it sounds as though you didn’t really know him.
So now just think of yourself and your own future.
By deciding to go ahead and have the baby, you almost certainly need to plan for being a single parent. Are you emotionally ready and mature enough to take that on? Do you have the love and support of family and friends?
Please don’t continue with this pregnancy because you hope he’ll want to be involved once the baby is born. His reaction so far has been cold and unfeeling, and he is unlikely to change.
Talk over your options with the British Pregnancy Advisory Service, before you decide what’s best for you.
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