DEAR DEIDRE: MY girlfriend seems to flirt with every man who crosses her path – and my instinct says it doesn’t end there.
But despite several scenarios that don’t add up, I can’t prove a thing. She says if I don’t trust her, we are finished.
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When we got together, she made me feel so special — like I was the only person in the room.
But now I see how she works virtually every man she meets, whether they are other dads at her kids’ school, work contacts or random men.
She keeps in contact with her exes through social media.
I’m 45 and my girlfriend is 41. We’ve been a couple for two years and moved in together six months ago.
I really do like her but I’m wary because she had men coming to her house for drinks at all hours.
Then she wanted to go away for a weekend to stay with one of these guys, who allegedly was just a friend.
I didn’t approve, so she cancelled. But months later she said she was going away with a girlfriend.
I think she secretly went to see this male friend. Just before we moved in together, an ex who is a club bouncer went to her house in the early hours to “console her”.
Apparently she’d got upset on a night out and he was concerned about her.
Recently a friend of mine saw her at a party. She was flirting big time with one of the men there.
She danced with this guy, hugged and kissed him — then went back to his house.
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She lied when I confronted her, saying she left the party for more drinks at a girlfriend’s.
Her explanation didn’t add up and eventually she admitted going to his house, insisting nothing happened.
She gets upset and says we can’t carry on unless I stop being suspicious. Am I being paranoid?
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DEIDRE SAYS: No wonder you feel uneasy. When you have a gut feeling, it is best to take notice.
Given how you feel, you cannot brush this issue aside. It must be addressed.
Playing detective is winding you up and resolving nothing.
Tell her you worry she is cheating, which these days would bring risk of transmitting coronavirus, so of course you want reassurance.
Explain that you want to know how you can strengthen your relationship, so she no longer feels the need to keep in contact with these other men, because of course it undermines your relationship.
But this will only be effective if you are prepared to walk if she does not show more respect for your feelings.
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