My husband has completely changed after my affair with married plumber lover

DEAR DEIDRE: MY husband hasn’t made any effort with me for more than ten years.

But now that I’ve got an amazing lover and I’m ready to walk, he’s pulling out all the stops.


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My new love takes me to highs I’ve not felt in a long, long time — but he’s also married.

I feel so angry with my husband that he’s waited until things have reached crisis point to show me he cares.

I’m a mum of three and have been married 20 years. I’m 43 and my husband is 45.

He’s a good man but I only love him like a brother. The spark has gone for me.

I met this guy last summer. He’s a plumber and he came to my rescue after a pipe burst while my husband was working away.

There was an instant attraction.

He fixed the pipe, then we had a coffee in the garden while I phoned the insurance company. He looked even more gorgeous without his mask on.

His relationship was also at crisis point and he told me he was 43.

He messaged me later and confessed he fancied me. We met the next day and had sex at his place.

I’d never done anything like that before. It felt so right to have passionate, rather than predictable, sex.

Heartbreak hangover

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My husband has always been focused on work and money but it’s become worse over the last year.

He won’t come for a walk with me or play with the kids. He’s no fun.

But since I told him I wanted to leave, he has been making such a big effort.

He’s like the man I met, asking me questions about my day, joining us for family meals, even playing football with the kids.

He doesn’t know about my lover and I’m wondering if I should tell him, so that he knows it is hopeless.

DEIDRE SAYS: Slow down. I know the sparks will be flying with your new lover but sparks dim quickly.

Your husband does sound like he has taken you and his family for granted.

But he is really trying to change and deserves credit for that.

Let him know you will give your relationship one more chance.

Talk about your predictable sex life too. My support pack called 50 Ways To Add Fun To Sex can help.

You owe it to your children to give your marriage your best shot.

Ask your lover for space while you sort things out one way or the other.

By seeing him you are also at risk of spreading coronavirus.

Give yourself a time limit and if things aren’t improving in three months, then you can consider your next steps.

NEXT IN TODAY'S DEAR DEIDRE I'm not sure if I want to marry my fiancé after catching him using my sex toy

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