My married lover has cooled towards me after we decided to leave our spouses | The Sun

DEAR DEIDRE: We had decided to leave our spouses, rent a flat and start a new life together – but now my long-term lover has cooled towards me.

We are both married but for the past eight years have met up every week for illicit sex sessions.

I am 48 and my wife is 45. We have been married for almost 20 years and have grown-up children. My lover is also married. She is 43.

She was a school friend and we’d stayed in touch. Then when she set up a gardening business she started to help us every now and again.

I’ve always fancied her and one day she was working in our garden while my wife was out.

I commented that she was still in great shape and before I knew it she suggested showing me more and dragged me into the shed.

Thinking about our first sexual encounter still turns me on.

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My wife is really unadventurous in bed and I don’t even think she enjoys having sex. Our relationship isn’t good. We can’t agree on anything — what to watch on TV, eat or even where to go on holiday.

But my lover is incredible. Over the years our relationship became so much more with both of us confiding in the other about our unhappy marriages. I have fallen deeply in love with her.

But when I suggested a couple of dates to go on flat viewings, she started to make excuses.

She isn’t excited about having sex with me any more and the last time I saw her was over a month ago when she was utterly disinterested.

I put all my effort into our affair and now the prospect of being left with my wife is too demoralising.


My wife is texting an old friend from uni and I fear she’s having an affair

Colin suggests having a threesome to his girlfriend to spice up sex life

DEIDRE SAYS: Your passion for your lover is clear but her interest has cooled, perhaps as the reality of leaving her family is starting to land.

You can’t force her to set up with you and it seems she is having second thoughts.

You admit you have put all your effort into your affair. Imagine what could happen if instead you turned that enthusiasm towards your marriage instead.

Have you ever spoken to your wife about wanting to add a little excitement into your sex life?

Try to make a go of your marriage, and get help via Tavistock Relationships ( My pack Torn Between Two Women will help.

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