I was on a forum for mums just a few days after giving birth when I was hit with the comment most mums fear: ‘You’ll feel much better once you’ve lost the baby weight.’
Despite it coming from a complete stranger who didn’t know my situation, I felt the pressure to look a certain way instantly.
Up until that time, my biggest focus was my baby and navigating my new role as a parent. To tell you the truth, my body had been the last thing on my mind.
This is because, while it may surprise some who believe that losing weight should be the first priority after giving birth, it absolutely wasn’t for me.
My baby was born at the start of the pandemic, so it was just me and my partner seeing our new child into the world as my family weren’t allowed to visit. It was nice to have that alone time, but it also felt sad and lonely.
So, the last thing I needed was a comment about my size.
But not long after, I started to hear similar remarks from other sources.
Midwives brought up the subject with me, saying that most mums shed the baby weight within a year and that I should aim to do the same. I was mortified; I didn’t think what it said on the scales should be such a prominent topic of conversation – but I simply nodded along, feeling insecure.
It’s upsetting that this discussion is regularly happening with new parents at a time when support is needed the most.
Instead of losing weight over the past year though, I have gained. Five stone, in fact.
I was diagnosed with postnatal depression months after my baby was born; the diagnosis was delayed because I had been hiding how I was feeling for so long.
I was experiencing chronic low moods and feelings of guilt and was constantly worrying that I was failing. It wasn’t until I suddenly burst into tears on a call with my health visitor that everything spilled out. She was incredibly comforting and helped me to get the support I needed.
I used food as a coping mechanism but it doesn’t justify anyone’s remarks about my body. These comments are personal, rude and unnecessary – and would be to any new mums who haven’t leapt back into their pre-pregnancy body, whatever the condition of their mental health.
Expressing concerns over post-pregnancy weight – or anybody’s weight – can lead to doubt, guilt, upset, self-image issues, body dysmorphia and even eating disorders.
It hurts when people tell me how good I used to look – it feels like a way of telling me that I have let myself go. That I am no longer attractive. I’m still told it now, both online and in-person by people I know closely. I’m reminded that I should have lost the weight by now, and that I look unhealthy.
It hurts because it shows that people are not accepting of my new body – a body that has seen me through a strenuous pregnancy and a caesarean section. And if they’re not accepting of the changes, how can I be?
Body image issues are prevalent in new mums. In fact, one 2010 study found that mothers’ body dissatisfaction increased significantly from up to nine months postpartum and that this dissatisfaction was associated with poorer levels of mental health.
The statistics don’t surprise me – these issues are very relatable for me.
It’s different during pregnancy – at least it was for me. You have your lovely bump, which reminds you every day that someone special is growing inside of you. You also have the joy of maternity clothes being comfy and well-fitting, or people telling you that you look gorgeous and glowing.
But after pregnancy, I felt nothing but shame about the way I looked. It wasn’t until seeing social media posts from other mums in the same boat that I started to feel more comfortable in my skin.
It reminded me that I’d had a baby, so my body was bound to have changed. These mothers – who were showing love for their post-baby bodies because they’d done something amazing – helped me to become more accepting of my own and to feel more beautiful.
Seeing mothers point out parts of their bodies that I’d felt self-conscious about was a complete breath of fresh air. Seeing them brave the outspokenness of the internet by posing in the underwear (or their incontinence pants), was a comfort to me.
I realised I don’t need to feel shame because my body is beautiful for many reasons.
It is beautiful for carrying my gorgeous baby and coping with the postnatal depression that followed. It is beautiful because it simply is.
As new mums, our bodies are no one else’s business and they’ll do what they need to get by. They’re personal, wonderful and, most importantly, they’re ours.
So let’s stop with the comments, the false concerns and the fatphobia – and let us focus on our babies, not our bodies.
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