SARAH VINE: What next, wives guilty of domestic abuse for not washing up? How about other inter-martial misdemeanours, like being forced to watch Love Island?
According to new guidance from the Crown Prosecution Service (CPS), spouses who object to their partner undergoing gender reassignment surgery, or refuse to fund it, could be considered domestic abusers.
The body responsible for prosecuting criminal cases investigated by the police has identified a range of behaviours by partners or other family members that are liable to be interpreted as aggression against trans or non-binary people.
They include ‘withholding money for transitioning’, ‘criticising the victim for not being ‘a real man/woman’, ‘threatening or sharing pre-transition images,’ or failing to use their preferred name or pronoun.
The guidance doesn’t specify whether ‘refusing to let the other person borrow your Christian Louboutins’ or ‘becoming enraged when they use up the last of your Charlotte Tilbury eyeshadow’ are also categorised as potential transgression, but it got me thinking: what other inter-marital misdemeanours might interest the CPS?
Take the business of the bins, for example. Might it be considered domestic abuse if one partner studiously separates all the recyclables while the other chucks their used takeaway boxes (insufficiently rinsed) in with the wine bottles?
According to new guidance from the Crown Prosecution Service (CPS), spouses who object to their partner undergoing gender reassignment surgery, or refuse to fund it, could be considered domestic abusers
Behaviours include ‘withholding money for transitioning’, ‘criticising the victim for not being ‘a real man/woman’, ‘threatening or sharing pre-transition images,’ or failing to use their preferred name or pronoun
Is emptying the coffee grinds into the sink instead of the compost a prosecutable offence, and if so, what is the recommended sentence? An hour’s weeding? Being forced to watch Love Island?
Perhaps, after 20-odd years of wedded bliss, someone might decide they are no longer able to identify with the crumpled hag staring back at them in the mirror of a morning.
They may feel their biological age no longer reflects their true identity and wish to undergo age reassignment surgery (otherwise known as a facelift).
If their spouse is reluctant to raid the pension pot to facilitate a trip to Turkey, followed by a fortnight’s recovery in the Maldives, does that constitute abuse?
And what if, over dinner, they accidentally refer to their beloved’s biological age of 56 as opposed to their new one of 27? Shall we send them to the Tower?
Take the business of the bins, for example. Might it be considered domestic abuse if one partner studiously separates all the recyclables while the other chucks their used takeaway boxes (insufficiently rinsed) in with the wine bottles?
Joking aside, this is absurd.
Not only does the guidance constitute an appalling intrusion into people’s private lives by the State, it also fails to consider the feelings, needs and emotions of family members, whether partners or children, who have to come to terms with a loved one deciding to change gender.
Why is the response to these matters always so one-sided? Why does no one spare a thought for, say, the child whose father now picks them up at the school gates as a woman? Or for the wife who married a man who now identifies as a lesbian? Aren’t their feelings equally valid? Or must they suffer in silence for fear of being branded transphobes and carted off in handcuffs?
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Trans people aren’t the only ones who experience confusion and distress, who struggle to come to terms with their new identity. Inevitably these decisions have an impact on those around them. Why can’t this be acknowledged without being dismissed as bigotry?
These are complex emotional situations. Are we seriously saying – as the CPS seems to be – that the best way to deal with them is to criminalise people’s responses? Because that’s how it seems.
Why should a spouse pay for their loved one to change gender? Of course, many may easily agree to – after all, if you love someone, you want them to be happy, and if swapping gender is what’s going to make them happy, then so be it.
But some may not feel that way. They might be heartbroken by their partner’s decision, see it as a rejection of their own identity. It may make them feel as though their whole life has been a lie, or it may be in direct opposition to their religious or moral beliefs. They may suffer from depression or self-loathing as a result. They may want a separation, or even a divorce. It would be wrong to criminalise such attitudes, just as it would be wrong to criminalise the decision by someone to transition in the first place. Understanding shouldn’t just extend to certain groups of people – it applies to all.
What’s required in these complicated situations, which are tricky for all parties, is patience, compassion and common sense.
All these factors, though, seem in increasingly short supply within institutions such as the CPS, from which we have a right to expect better.
- Are the Tories actively trying to lose the Election? Immigration Minister Robert Jenrick has ordered cartoon murals in a Dover asylum centre to be painted over – reportedly because they were ‘too welcoming’. I’m no bleeding-heart liberal, but seriously? Are you trying to do Sir Keir’s job for him?
A hole new low for this madness
Bonus hole. Sounds like something vaguely snooker-related, or perhaps the sort of thing you might find in a fairground: ‘Roll up, roll up, three throws plus a bonus hole for a fiver.’ But no.
Apparently ‘bonus hole’ is the new term for a vagina, as explained by a cervical cancer trust in guidance on language
Apparently ‘bonus hole’ is the new term for a vagina, as explained by a cervical cancer trust in guidance on ‘language to use when supporting trans men and/or non-binary people’.
You can just imagine the conversation… ‘Sorry, love, but we’ve detected some abnormal cells in your bonus hole, so your other half will have to pot their balls elsewhere for a while.’
I’m sorry to be vulgar, but the whole thing is just so misogynistic and de-humanising. Especially since no one ever suggests calling a penis anything other than a penis – even when it apparently belongs to a woman. At the risk of having my bank account closed: when will this madness end?
Matt Ridley’s forensic take-down in yesterday’s Daily Mail on the madness of the switch to electric cars was a tour-de-force, especially his estimation that, once all hidden costs are considered, carbon dioxide emissions worldwide will only reduce by 0.044 per cent.
The reality is the experience of a friend of mine, who was asked to make a speech at an event on a rail strike day, so the organisers sent a taxi. However, it was electric and since it was only 43 per cent charged, the driver feared it might not make the 100-plus- mile journey.
He suggested driving halfway at 37mph (with no air conditioning to save power) and stop at a charging point for 45 minutes.
As my friend said afterwards: ‘I’d have been better off in a horse and cart.’
Posh shows off her wealth? That’s rich
Conspicuous consumption is fine in times of plenty, but with a cost-of-living crisis, why do some celebrities keep rubbing it in our faces?
Victoria and Harper Beckham at the Prada Caffè in Harrods
I’m sure Harper Beckham is a lovely girl, but did her mother need to post pictures all over social media of her celebrating her 12th birthday at the Prada Caffè in Harrods with a £950 Prada handbag?
That’s a month’s rent for a lot of people. Don’t the Beckhams want to teach their daughter the value of money? Not so much a PDA (public display of affection) as a PDW (public display of wealth).
- Arriving at the wedding of George Osborne and Thea Rogers (my invitation must have got lost in the post!), Sajid Javid looked ten years younger, 10kg lighter, with a dashing beard. Life away from politics clearly suits him.
Sajid Javid arriving for the wedding of ex-Chancellor of the Exchequer George Osbourne to Thea Rogers at St Mary’s Church, Bruton, Somerset
Life skills to DIY for
We are becoming a nation of DIY dunces. Apparently, more than a third of us have no idea how to locate their stopcock, can’t wire a plug or change a bulb. Many are unable to read the gas meter – even if they can find it. Once this was basic knowledge. Now, possessing such skills is rarer than having a university degree – and will probably earn you more besides.
The Archbishop of York says the words ‘Our Father’ in the Lord’s Prayer (surely ‘Lord’ is some kind of micro-aggression in itself?) are ‘problematic’ due to their association with ‘oppressive patriarchy’. Maybe (not). But what’s the alternative? ‘Our non-binary life-giver who art in Heaven/Hallowed be thy pronouns…’ Cringe.
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