By now, it’s likely you have heard the term ‘bondage sex.’
Maybe it was in general conversation, on the radio, in an article or quite possibly in an episode of Love Island.
However, you may be unfamiliar with what bondage sex entails. There are are many questions that surround the act and, very often, people can be wary and hesitant about even broaching the topic.
So how do you engage in it and what exactly do you do?
Well, bondage sex refers to a form of sex play that involves consensually tying or restraining a partner in a sex position to give or receive sexual pleasure.
It represents the ‘B’ in BDSM which comprises three separate yet combinable elements: bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, and sadism and masochism.
Sometimes, it is referred to as a sexual ‘kink’ as many believe it to be an activity outside of social norms.
However, as seen by the popularity of the Fifty Shades of Grey franchise which portrays sadomasochistic relationships, it is a desired practice.
Different forms
According to sex expert Ness Cooper, it comes in many different forms.
‘Bondage sex is where one individual has control over their partner, often in the form of tying them up or restraining them,’ she explains.
‘There are some individuals who enjoy restraining their partner in consensual psychological ways, but for many it is a physical erotic act involving methods of restraint such as rope, cuffs, or even pallet/shrink wrap.
‘One example of bondage includes shibari, which is a form where a partner is restrained with rope. It’s not always erotic as some consider it as an art form due to how complicated rope work can be.
‘When performing rope bondage in an erotic setting some enjoy the ritualistic feeling it offers to their play as they carefully twine rope around the body.’
She continues: ‘Another form is using cuffs. This is a fun way to explore bondage and allows for a quick way of restraining a partner. Some also like to add in role play to their cuff session and play out certain roles to add extra excitement, like pretending to be a police officer.
‘Meanwhile, mummification is an erotic form of play where an individual is tightly confined in shrink wrap. The individual being wrapped likes the idea that they can’t escape and that that they are helpless when presented to the other individual involved.’
Sensations
Ness notes that individuals enjoy both the physical and psychological side of bondage, with many choosing it for the added sensations it can create.
‘Some individuals who are neurodivergent particularly enjoy bondage due to the sensory stimulation it can provide,’ she adds.
Understandably, bondage comes with some preconceived notions as it can be difficult to understand at first. Yet, Ness says it’s time for the stigma to go.
‘Bondage can be stigmatised by society as it’s not seen as “vanilla,”‘ she explains. ‘But there are many reasons why a person may want to explore bondage, and as long as it’s consensual, it’s perfectly normal.
‘We can often judge those who enjoy sexual acts that go against our social norm.’
If you wish to try bondage but don’t know how to broach it with a partner, Ness has some valuable advice.
How to try it
Communicate with a partner
‘There are many sex board games that offer you the opportunity to talk about and explore different forms of bondage,’ she advises.
‘These can be a great way to try things out with a partner when you’re struggling to find the words to ask them to explore it.
‘Shop online together looking at sex toys and talk about the reasons why something appeals to you. This gives you both a chance to reveal intimate curiosities.
‘Discuss what porn you’ve watched, and if you feel comfortable, even ask them to watch a piece of bondage porn with you. Afterwards make sure you talk about it together and allow your partner time to reflect on their feelings about it.’
Set boundaries
Finally, if you and your partner do make the decision to try bondage sex, Ness says talking about personal thresholds is crucial.
‘When exploring bondage, it’s important to make sure you and your partner discuss boundaries and give each other an idea on how far you’d be like to take things,’ she says.
‘Adding in safe words is a brilliant way to let each other know when either of you have reached your limit.’
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