A 38-year-old male has taken to Reddit to ask fellow users if he’s “the a**hole” for “cutting back on work to prove a point to my wife”. The husband in question discussed household chores and how
He started by saying his “wife is usually an angel of a woman”, but this has changed since she started a new friendship with someone he believes “is a bad influence on her”.
He claims this new friend is “childish” and displays “very radical misandry”, and until recently, her behaviour didn’t impact him.
However, the wife has “begun pressuring me to do more around the house” and explained they already “split chores and child care”, but admitted the wife has “a bigger cut” because she is a stay-at-home mother.
The husband, however, said he does “most of the cooking” citing breakfasts and dinners, with lunch being his wife’s responsibility as he’s a work.
He also “takes out the garbage”, does the laundry and “deep cleans the bathrooms once a week”. The husband also helps their children do homework too.
But, according to the wife, he is “not doing enough” and “should be doing more around the house”, claiming he needs to do “all chores and child rearing”, or threatening to seek a divorce.
The situation worsened when the couple was socialising with friends, and the wife claimed her husband “never helped out” and “used her as a house slave (her words)”. The husband “saw red” and decided to make a point.
The next day when he went to work, he asked his boss for “reduced hours” and proceeded to take over all the household chores and responsibilities.
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“I cooked breakfast, made lunch for the boys before I drove them to school, cleaned the house top to bottom, I did every dish we had twice and so on,” he explained.
“My wife was blindingly happy, and bragged to her friend that she finally had me ‘worn in’. She didn’t lift a finger for around a month.”
But then she started asking why they never went on dates as a couple anymore and complained about getting her nails done.
In response, the husband said there was no money in the budget for these things, but suggested she could “get a part-time job to pay for either luxuries”.
But this wasn’t a suitable solution for the wife, who asked if her husband could “pick up more shifts at work to cover her other expenses”.
He said he would pick up extra shifts at work if they could go back to “splitting the chores”.
“Which is when she began to catch on that the two were related,” he added. The husband was called a “manipulative a**hole”, and initially “stood strong” but is now “questioning [his] methods” as he feels they were “underhanded”.
The thread has received over 2,500 replies from other Reddit users. One said: “NTA. If anything, she should pick up the lion’s share of the household work because she’s a SAHM.
“I don’t know what that friend did to her, but she’s clearly no longer the ‘angel of a woman’ you once knew. You need to sit her down and have a very serious conversation about the responsibilities you each have before the situation gets even worse.”
Another commented: “NTA. As a SAHM she should do most of the chores, if not all, because being a SAHM is a job in itself. I’m not saying you should not do a part and you obviously are doing it, but if she wants a stay-at-home dad, she needs to go out and get herself a job that pays.”
A third chimed: “NTA What a brilliant plan. I know she’s upset, but you made your point. Hopefully, she appreciates what she has and apologizes for her misogynistic views!”
One said: “I’m sorry, but this does not seem like a fair division of labour. You should be helping at home, yes, but she should be doing the bulk of the cooking, cleaning, and household management. I would absolutely make a chore chart or a plan that is fair and so that both of you are working the same number of hours. If she doesn’t like it, she is free to divorce you. At which point she will need to get a job. The horror. NTA.”
Someone else offered “practical advice”. “Have you thought about writing down what you do around the house and the hours you work and then ask her to write down what she does or write down what you think she does (she could add to the list if there are things she feels she does you are unaware of),” the comment read. “Seeing the imbalance in black and white, might help her understand what she is asking.”
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