With wedding season underway, Metro.co.uk has roped in Alison Rios McCrone, venue owner and planner, to help solve your dilemmas in a weekly agony aunt column…
I’m having a problem with choosing which of my friends I should make my best man. I have three really close mates, all of whom will be groomsmen, but I can’t decide which one to give the ‘big’ role to.
I know whoever isn’t chosen will be upset, so how do I go about picking without hurting anyone’s feelings?
Do you have a wedding problem you need some advice on?
Weddings are joyful occasions – but they’re also incredibly stressful. Whether you’re a bride or groom, best woman or man, family member or friend of the couple, the run up to the big day can be very tense.
If you need a bit of help with your quandary, Alison, who has run a wedding venue for 10 years and helps couples plan weddings, is here to offer a helping hand.
Email [email protected] to share your issue anonymously with Alison and get it solved.
Making the choice of who will be by your side (aside from your bride!) can be one of the most difficult ones for a groom, especially when you have several close friends.
So let me suggest a left-field solution – if they are all equally close to you, why not pick them all?
No rule book says you must only have one friend in that headline role.
In fact, at the venue where I work, I have seen more than one best man on some occasions.
They have shared all the responsibilities and I’ve found that their unique style and personalities mean they can offer a variety of great support to the groom.
We have even seen numerous joint best man speeches – they both get plenty of laughs and are more at ease by being able to share what is considered one of the most daunting jobs at a reception.
In the lead-up to the wedding, best man duties can include things like organising the stag, collecting suits, day-to-day errands on behalf of the groom, and building excitement for the special day.
That’s a lot of work, so being able to split those jobs among more than one person can be hugely beneficial.
On the big day itself, best men support the groom in the morning by keeping him calm and relaxed, while helping him get ready.
At the venue, best men are often the first people there to greet guests on arrival, taking cards and gifts for the happy couple, guiding guests to their seats at the start of the ceremony, and of course handling the rings.
During the reception, there’s the best man speech, herding guests from one area to another, and even arranging payments for bills that need to be settled on the day.
If you have more than one best man, it’s important to make sure that everyone plays to their strengths.
You should sit down with each of your friends one to one and discuss the possibility of them being part of your wedding.
It’s important to remember, as with a proposal, that a yes isn’t guaranteed.
Your pals may be keen on taking on that responsibility, or they may not. Everyone responds differently but to some people, it may fill them with stress and fear due to the sheer amount of obligation the role involves.
Once you have spoken with them and they have agreed to take on the role, you can quickly divide tasks based on who would be best suited.
Extroverted friends would be great for the meet and greet, those who excel at public speaking could handle Master of Ceremonies jobs, and the best man speech.
If one is good with logistics they should be the point person for handling organisation and settling bills on the day.
A best man who is well known among most of the guests could get groups together for the next photo so they can be taken quickly.
It’s just important to ensure they all have a job to do, and all feel equally valued.
It’s also crucial to remember if you have three best men that, traditionally, your future partner has a similar number of bridesmaids, particularly if, during the ceremony, they will be standing at the front with you.
It makes things look more balanced, especially for the photos.
Remember, it is impossible to please everyone, but having three best men means you could avoid having to upset one or more of your closest friends, and spreading the tasks amongst them all eases the pressure on one individual.
Alternatively, another consideration is not having one designated best man, and keeping everyone as a groomsman.
The traditional tasks still have to be done, and whatever their title, your closest friends will be there to help support you on your special day.
Whatever you choose, I hope it leads to a fulfilling day, with laughter and joy, sharing the happiest moment of your life with your closest friends.
All the best
Find out more about Alison here: alisonriosmccrone.com; and find details of her wedding venue here: altskeith.com.
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