DEAR DEIDRE: I CAN’T bear sex and my husband doesn’t know.

When we do it, I get flashbacks to when I was with my ex.

My ex was abusive and used to force sex on me. I’m 58 now and my ex is 57.

I met my husband five years ago. He’s 60 and kind and he will do anything for me.

We have sex twice a week – I feel it’s my duty – but I can’t wait for it to be over. He has no idea.

I just tell him it was good and I fake my orgasms.

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Deidre says: I’m sorry to read that you were in such an abusive relationship. You deserve to be in a loving and giving one.

Your ex wasn’t just abusive – he raped you. You will find advice and guidance through Rape Crisis (rapecrisis.org.uk, 0808 802 9999).

You would definitely benefit from therapy, either together or alone, to help you move beyond this abuse.

Please contact COSRT (cosrt.org.uk) which can help put you in contact with a sexual and relationship therapist.

I’m also sending my support pack Sex Play Therapy which teaches sensate focus exercises, to help you to feel slowly connected with your body and then with your husband.

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