DEAR DEIDRE: I ADMITTED to an affair, told my wife I was leaving, said goodbye to my daughter and packed my bags.
Then my lover told me to stop — she was staying with her husband.
I feel so let down. My lover is very successful and had bought a second home. We’d been doing it up, ready for our new start.
My relationship with my wife has always been dreadful. She’s 39 and we got married when she got pregnant with our daughter 15 years ago. Her parents insisted on it.
We fight like cat and dog and barely speak if we can help it.
I got a job working for a business selling car-charging points for homes. My boss is a woman of 45 and I’m 41.
We had a night out celebrating winning a big contract with a building firm.
The boss and I shared a taxi home and as the driver went a little too fast around a corner, she face-planted in my lap.
It was an awkward moment and I was aroused — I think she noticed.
We stopped at her place and she invited me in. Her husband was away so as the door closed, we were kissing in the hall and tearing at each other’s clothes.
We started an affair. We’d stay late at the office, check into hotels — sex wasn’t off-limits anywhere.
She then bought a much bigger property and said she’d leave her husband and I could move in. I told my wife. She was more angry that I’d cheated than that I was leaving.
But my boss has now texted me to say she’d had second thoughts and wasn’t ready to leave her husband.
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DEIDRE SAYS: It’s understandable if you think you could have made a go of it, but while you know this woman as your boss and as a sexual partner, have you spent any quality time together?
She may have provided you with a lucky escape from going from one bad relationship to another. If your relationship with your wife is that toxic, then it’s damaging for your daughter.
Children who live where there is tension between parents get the impression that these kinds of relationships are normal and then seek out similar relationships for themselves.
Talk with your wife and explain that this situation can’t go on. If she is open to taking you back, get couples’ counselling via tavistockrelationships.org (020 7380 1975) which has a Parenting Together service.
My support pack called Your Lover Not Free will help you to move on.
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