DEAR DEIDRE: IN the 28 years we have been married, my wife has never initiated sex.

She doesn’t show me any real affection, though we have two grown-up children and a granddaughter she adores.

I am 58, my wife is 56 and generally we have a good relationship.

She is intelligent, funny and very kind, except when it comes to intimacy – then she is a really cold fish.

I have sometimes thought about leaving her to look for a new relationship, but I love my wife and wouldn’t want to hurt her or our family.

On the rare occasion when we do make love it is always me who initiates it and then she will only ever have sex in the missionary position.

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Does that mean she is simply shy or not bold enough to ask? This is bothering me a lot and I am confused.

Am I asking too much from her?

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DEIDRE SAYS: I can understand your frustration but you have to talk to her about it.

I know it can be awkward but it’s crucial if things are to change.

She may not know how important it is to you, and initiating sex is something that makes you feel wanted.

But if you explain and make her see that you find it sexy and a turn on, she may be more likely to understand and be receptive.

It could be that she’s shy rather than disinterested.

My support pack Too Inhibited? explains more.

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